I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
