I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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