I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize