Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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