he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
