great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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