paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
