I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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