I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
