We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
