it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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