oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
