Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
