he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
