That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
