It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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