It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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