***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
