There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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