What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
