I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
