Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize