I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
