She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize