Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
