I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
