I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
