1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Me too!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize