I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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