Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
