No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
