I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
