the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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