This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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