Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
