You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
