I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
