I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
