the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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