Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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