I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
