That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize