So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
