covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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