i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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