I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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