Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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