OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
