It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
