I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize