my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
