I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
