honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
