My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
