remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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