we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
