hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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