How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
