What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
