John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
