Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
