Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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