He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
