whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
