We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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