I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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