i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
