I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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