I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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