I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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