I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
