Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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