Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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