Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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