Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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