So drunk its hurt
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
