my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
