I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
