Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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